Cheesy Lifetime Movie

I had a silly movie on today while I was writing my paper, and it turned out to be more of a distraction than I was hoping. It was a made-for-TV movie that originally aired in 2004 called "I Want to Marry Ryan Banks." Why are you watching such drivel, Laura? I'll tell you. It starred Bradley Cooper (Will from Alias who I love, love, love), Emma Caulfield (Anya from Buffy who is my absolute favorite), and Jason Priestly. How can I NOT watch it?

I wasn't expecting much. In fact, I was kind of expecting Bradley Cooper and Emma Caulfield to go considerably down in my standings. I was wrong. The movie was adorable. Here's the plot:

Bradley Cooper and Jason Priestly are best friends. Jason is an actor and Bradley is his manager. Jason's career starts to go down the tubes, so Bradley invents a reality TV show for him a la "The Bachelor." Emma Caulfield plays one of the contestants whose sister entered her into the competition. Both guys like her, but since Jason Priestly is the star of the show, he's the one who gets the real shot at her. Because he's a self-involved actor, he bumbles around and doesn't know how to talk to her because she's a nice, normal girl, so Bradley Cooper starts feeding him lines over his earpiece a la "Cyrano de Bergerac." BUT, Emma Caulfield is not completely stupid like Roxane, and she figures it out!!!! I loved that part. And she likes the guy she supposed to like - the one with the beautiful soul - instead of the dopey pretty boy. Of course, it doesn't hurt that Bradley Cooper is totally hot and doesn't have a super-huge nose. I would like him better, too.

Anyway, I really liked the movie. I liked it that the woman 1) figured out what was going on before the movie was even half over and 2) didn't cause a bunch of manufactured drama over Bradley Cooper feeding Jason Priestly his lines since that was, after all, his job. If you're ever completely bored and want to watch a romantic-type movie with good kissing, watch this. I was really surprised at how not bad it was.

Worst Movies Ever

Hey, there, world. My students' next assignment is to evaluate a movie. I have a list of good ones, but I am having trouble thinking of bad ones. I'd appreciate it if you would leave me a comment with the worst movies you've ever seen so I can add them to my list!

Vancouver

They started disembarking the boat at 7:30, so we were up bright and early. We did not actually disembark until after 10. One fantastic thing about Canada (and the Bahamas, in fact) is that U.S. customs is actually located on the Canadian side. This is just one of the reasons I love Canada.

So, once we'd gotten our bags and were leaving the cruise terminal, we saw that the taxi line was like 2 hours long, so we walked over to the tourism desk and signed up for a city tour. These people know what they're doing - they loaded our bags into a van along with another couple, drove us around the city for about three hours, then dropped us off at our hotel. It was great! Unfortunately, our guide Raphael was not that great. He was from Argentina, and he said he had been living in Vancouver for 18 years, but his accent was so strong he was very difficult to understand, and he didn't seem to know all that much about the city.

In any case, he drove us through Chinatown where we saw the Guiness Book of World Records holder for "Narrowest Office Building" at a little more than three feet deep. He took us to Gastown which is the old downtown Vancouver where there is a large clock that runs on steam. It wasn't working the day we were there - Raphael said they have to send someone to fix it all the time because the steam works are not very efficient.

Next, he took us to Stanley Park which was really nice and named after Lord Stanley, the guy the Stanley Cup is named after.

Next we went to Granville Island which is kind of a boardwalk on the pier with a huge market and tons of artisan's workshops. He drove us through the main shopping district and also the really fancy part of town with all the 5 million dollar homes, then dropped us off at our hotel.

All in all I have a great impression of Vancouver. It was pretty and clean and seemed like there was tons of stuff to do. I'd love to go back! We tried to get a tour of the Battlestar Galactica set - Jon called the Vancouver Film Studio, and asked if they filmed the show there, and the girl on the other line said something like, "I'm not at liberty to disclose that information." So Jon said, "Well, I'm not trying to expose any big secrets; I'd just like a tour of the set." The girl said the studio did not offer public tours. So, I'm guess that is where the show is filmed since she acted like that. Too bad!

That night, as is our tradition when we visit Canada, we went to the movies. We saw "Sex and the City." I liked it more than I thought I would. It was funny! Although I thought they either needed to integrate Jennifer Hudson's character more into the movie or they needed to cut her out. I couldn't figure out why she was even in it, and she never interacted with anyone but Carrie which made her plotline kind of stick out instead of being part of the main plotline. Maybe it was written differently, and they had to edit a bunch out. I don't know. But that was my biggest problem with the movie. 3 out of 5 stars - no need to see on the big screen, but worth watching if you're a fan of the show.

The Inside Passage

The last day on the cruise, we sailed the Inside Passage all the way down the Canadian Coast to Vancouver. It was rainy pretty much all day, but that didn't keep the wildlife from surfacing! We saw a humpback whale and her calf, and we actually saw killer whales jumping out of the water! They were too quick for me to get a photo - you'll just have to take my word for it that we saw them. It was pretty neat.

To pass the time, Jon and I watched "Lars and the Real Girl" in our room. I had heard that it was funny from several people, and it was advertised as a sort of off-the-wall romantic comedy. Except it was neither funny nor romantic. It was about a guy with mental illness. The only way the movie could be funny is if you were laughing AT him, which I was not inclined to do. I just felt sad for him. The best part of the movie is a speech Lars' sister-in-law makes about how they all accept his delusions and go along with them because they love him. I think that's really what the movie was about - how this community accepted Lars even though he was not like them, and they did everything they could to make him feel loved despite his mental illness. AND, another point in its favor is that it is one of the very few movies in recent history that portrays the clergyman as a pretty good guy. No pedophilia or excessive greed. He was just an all around nice person. So, I give "Lars and the Real Girl" 2 out of 5 stars mostly because of its faulty advertising.

Movie Reviews

So, I saw two movies this week. What freedom finishing my thesis brings! Jonathan and I actually went to a movie theater and saw “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” Then last night, we bought “30 Days of Night” from Amazon Unbox. So, this post is going to be a sort of double review of two very dissimilar movies, although not as dissimilar as you might think since Sarah Marshall had a hilarious Dracula subplot to it. Here we go.

“Forgetting Sarah Marshall” was really funny. I liked it a lot. I was a little bit sad that it relied so heavily on sex jokes though. I am tired of sex joke movies. We need to figure out how to be actually witty and clever instead of just exploiting bodily fluids and functions. That said, the movie was witty and funny in places, and I laughed out loud in parts. The Dracula part was really funny, and there was a kind of smart undercurrent to the whole thing that addressed the stigma of men showing real emotions. There are some funny parts where the guy is unashamedly upset about his breakup, and they make it amusing and entertaining, but at the same time they are pointing out the double standard where it’s OK for girls to lie around for a month in sweatpants and eat ice cream to console themselves, but men do not have an equivalent acceptable outlet. Several characters in the movie just tell the main guy to have sex with anyone and everyone he can in order to get over his ex-girlfriend, but it totally backfires, and I thought that was a pretty good message, too. And I just love Paul Rudd – he makes every movie better.

“30 Days of Night” was also very good. I was surprised. I thought it was going to be kind of dumb. But it was kind of like “The Diary of Anne Frank” with vampires. That sounds crazy, but it’s true. The vampires were much more like “Nosferatu” than like the “Count Dracula” figure with the satin sash, big cape, and widow’s peak. They were gross and monstrous and scary. And just when Jonathan and I had said that out loud, there was a scene that really kind of humanized them. It gave it a “Blade Runner” feel. Yes, they’re ruthless, cruel killers, but really they just want to escape their eternal hunger and pain. It was scarier than most movies I watch. I don’t, as a rule, watch horror movies, but I can handle most vampire ones simply because I don’t believe in vampires. Other kinds of horror movies – “The Exorcist,” for example – I cannot watch because I believe in supernatural forces that can actually affect humans in that way, and I don’t want to freak myself out by watching fictionalized incidents of things that might actually be possible. Vampires are pretty safe that way. We also kept commenting that the suspenseful buildup was very typical – the music stops, there are scary noises and unidentifiable figures flitting across the screen – but the action of the movie was very unique. The whole time we were watching it we were like, “This is a GOOD movie!” Who knew? And Josh Hartnett didn’t ruin it as he is so wont to do.

And the funniest thing of all is I woke up this morning with half an introduction written in my head for my new thesis on vampires. Ha ha.

3 1/2 Down, 4 1/2 to Go...plus a kissing list

SMU put me on a waiting list. But considering that all of the students who were accepted for the fall semester showed up to my Malory class yesterday, and I wasn't invited, I am assuming a position will not open up.

On a more positive note, I got a letter from Penn State telling me that I have made the first cut, and they will be re-viewing my application to see if they can offer me a financial package. In other words, a whole bunch of people have already received flat out rejection letters from them, and I am not one of those people. However, as with most PhD programs, if you don't get funding, you don't get to go at all. So, I'm still waiting on them.

I watched the movie "Proof" last night. It was better than I expected it to be, especially considering I really don't like Anthony Hopkins. He was good, though. And Hope Davis makes every movie better. While I'd heard that Gwyneth Paltrow uglifies herself, I wasn't that impressed by the uglification. I was expecting something more along the lines of Cameron Diaz in "Being John Malkovich." No, they just kind of ratted up her hair a little and gave her minimal makeup. She was still gorgeous. And she gave a great performance. I think what impressed me most in the movie, though, was the kissing. Good kissing, Proof! Jake Gyllenhall = good kisser (at least on-screen). So, it inspired me to make a little "Best Movie Kisses" list, but instead I got extremely sidetracked into thinking of the worst movie kisses I've ever seen. I have only come up with two that deserve the title "Worst Movie Kiss Ever," but here they are:

1) Klaus Maria Brandauer and Kim Basinger in "Never Say Never Again." The thin line of saliva connecting their lips as they pull away makes me gag every time.

2) Richard Gere and Julia Ormond in "First Knight." Swallow her entire face, why don't you?

Maybe I will edit the list as I think of more movies. I have vague images of my mind of terrible kisses, but I can't remember which movies they are in. Expect a more polished list later on.

The Oscars

I'm pretty happy with how they turned out. I was REALLY happy that Marion Cotillard won, because I really didn't think she would, and I don't think she thought so either. She was faboo. Despite its practical sweep of the Oscars, I am still not going to see "No Country for Old Men." I was happy Cormac McCarthy actually got to go the ceremony, although he didn't get to go up on stage for anything. The movies were way too man-centric this year. I mean, did "No Country for Old Men" or "There Will Be Blood" even have women in them? None of the clips I've seen even have female extras in them. And, really, people, I think Daniel Day-Lewis is so overrated. He kind of freaks me out a little bit. And Tilda Swinton should really wear some eye makeup. And I can't believe the only thing Atonement won was music. I didn't even notice the music in the movie. The director was TOTALLY GYPPED! On the positive side, yay Marion, yay Juno's screenplay, yay La Vie en Rose winning makeup. Yes, I actually had an opinion about the makeup category this year. Seriously, you totally couldn't tell it was old lady makeup - it was fantastic.

This post is very stream-of-consciousness. It is 1:30 am, and I am going to bed.

The Oscars

So, I'm doing better this year than the previous few years as far as actually watching the Oscar-nominated movies. I have actually seen 3 out of the 5 Best Picture nominees. That's more than half! My People magazine this week gives their picks, and in the spirit of Oscar season, here are mine (these are the ones I WANT to win, not the ones I necessarily think will actually win):

Best Picture:
Atonement ***
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country for Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Best Actor:
George Clooney, Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd*** (I didn't see it, but Johnny deserves a turn)
Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah
Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises

Best Actress:
Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie, Away From Her
Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose***
Laura Linney, The Savages
Ellen Page, Juno

Best Supporting Actress:
Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There
Ruby Dee, American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan, Atonement
Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton***(I actually didn't think she was all that great, but the only other one I've seen is Atonement, and that little girl doesn't deserve an Oscar for that)

Best Supporting Actor:
Casey Affleck, The Assassination of Jesse James, etc.***(just b/c I love him)
Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook, Into the Wild
Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton

Best Director:
Who cares? I think Atonement should get it, but that guy's not even nominated. I'm boycotting this category on those grounds.

Best Original Screenplay: Juno

You Know You're Hormonal When...

You bawl watching Jane Austen's "Persuasion" on PBS. Especially when you don't cry at movies. Especially romantic ones. Seriously - and I didn't even just cry at the end. I cried DURING. I just feel so sorry for poor Anne, although the actress played her a little bit whiny.

I have to say Rupert Penry-Jones was a great Capt. Wentworth. His face when he found out Anne wasn't really engaged to Mr. Elliott - perfect. I can't wait to see "Northanger Abbey" next week.

The Golden Compass

I am very excited about seeing the movie "The Golden Compass" despite the fact that Nicole Kidman is in it. Hopefully Daniel Craig will make up for her. I have read the book series, and I thought they were passably good. The first one was definitely the best one.

One of the members of a Bible study group I attended in France actually lent me the books after I told her I really like the Harry Potter series. She was appalled at my enjoyment of Harry Potter, although she had never read any of them herself. She was convinced that J. K. Rowling had made a literal pact with the devil, and as a result the books are infused with demonic influence. Her mother (and she, too, I guess) had been heavily involved with the occult, and her Christian conversion experience was a dramatic one. She practiced a more mystical variety of Christianity than I have ever experienced before, and while I do believe that God communicates with her differently than he does with me, and I think she probably has some insight into the world of the occult based on her own experience, I kind of think she's wrong about Harry Potter. But, really, what do I know?

So, she lent me the Philip Pullman books as an alternative to Harry Potter. I really liked "The Golden Compass," nothing-ed "The Subtle Knife," and hated "The Amber Spyglass." What surprised me most is that, especially in "The Amber Spyglass," the author brings God into the story, not as a sort of philosophical concept, but as an impotent corporeal being who ultimately dissolves into nothingness. Um, that's pretty anti-Christian. At least Harry Potter just leaves God out of it. The reader is free to associate or omit God as he or she chooses. Philip Pullman doesn't really leave room for that.