My Romance Novel Habit

I went to Half Price Books today to buy reading material for my trip. When I'm on vacation, I pretty much limit myself to reading romance novels. They usually take me about 3-4 hours to read (the usual length of my plane trips), so they are perfect for when I travel. Today, I went to the clearance section and bought 12 novels for $1 each, and I plan to leave them scattered in my wake in the various airports, hotel rooms, and train stations that I will be visiting on my trip to Morocco. At $1 a piece, I can afford to leave them behind and make room for souvenirs.

While I'm not all that particular about the novels I pick, I do usually try to be discriminating. Here are my guidelines for picking a not-too-trashy romance novel:

1) If the title of the book is stupid, I just won't even look at it. I will not read anything called "Knight of Desire" or "The Pleasures of Sin." Gross. This criterion pretty much eliminates 75% of the books on the shelf.

2) No naked or half-naked people on the cover. I refuse to buy those books with the swooning couple on the front. Or back. However, I will buy a book whose front cover opens and there is a picture of that couple that you can't see if you are just looking at the outside of the book. It's really all about the cover.

3) If the plot summary describes the lead female character as "a vixen," or the lead male character as "a rogue," I put it away immediately. No, no, no. Those words are code for "horrible dialogue."

4) If the review quotes on the back say anything about it being steamy, hot, or heartwarming, I probably will not buy it. Those words are usually code for porn-y or sappy.

So, you know, I'm pretty self-conscious about the fact that I'm getting a PhD in English, and I read trashy novels. But, I do have standards; I don't read any old trash. Now, I have to restrain from reading my new stash of trash before I get to the airport tomorrow! I can't wait!