More Laidback

I've realized something this week while I've been at my graduate orientation and teaching workshop. Being older has made me a nicer person. Ten years ago, if you had thrown me into a room full of complete strangers and expected me to walk out with a good impression of everyone, I couldn't have done it. However, I can honestly say that I like all of the grad students that I have spoken to so far. I mean, I'm not going to be best friends with all of them. There are some of them that I obviously don't have a lot in common with and once we've exhausted the conversation about our research interests, there's not much left. However, even with the ones that I probably would have brushed off as impossible friends 10 years ago, I find that I have no reason not to be as friendly as possible. I've actually found myself making an uncharacteristic effort to remember the "unique thing" about themselves that we are forced to name every time we are in a group and bring it up later as a conversation piece. I am trying very hard, and the weird thing is - it's not that hard.

I think my previous experience in grad school has given me a lot of confidence. When I started my Master's degree, I experienced all kinds of feelings of inadequacy and thoughts like "Why was I even admitted to grad school? There must have been a administrative mistake!" But this time around, I don't feel that yet. Maybe those feelings will come back once classes actually start and everyone demonstrates their brilliance. But at this moment, I really feel like I belong here and that given time, I will fit in.

It helps that people are responding well, of course. When I make little jokes, they laugh. When I bring up their unique moment, they engage me in conversation. They are being nice back to me. That helps a LOT. It's a huge part of why I'm having a good experience so far.

Anyway, there's an update for you. I like it here. I really want to succeed. But at the same time, I'm ready to go home for the weekend and be surrounded by the people I love and the surroundings that are so familiar to me. It's going to be interesting to have two lives. I am excited to see how it turns out.