More About My Car

We went to the police pound this week and saw her. Here's what she looks like:

The guy threw a piece of concrete through the driver's side window, pulled out the ignition, and hot-wired her.

The insurance guy is going to look at her on Monday. I think they will total her. Poor girl.

R.I.P. Dolores

At 7:15 pm last night, Jonathan noticed that our beloved Dodge Neon, Dolores, was not parked in her usual spot on the street in front of our apartment. Glass littered the pavement, testifying to her violation and subsequent kidnapping. I immediately ran outside and called the police. While I was on the phone, a police officer drove by, and I flagged him down. He graciously stopped and filed a report for me. A mere two hours later, the policeman called us to let us know that our Dolores had been involved in a hit and run accident in West Dallas and was being towed to an impound station. Her status: undriveable. Alas, poor Dolores, I knew her, Horatio.

Here's to Dolores, the POS we bought the day after Christmas, 2003 to tide us over until we could afford something better right after we moved back from France. In turns out, she didn't merely tide us over. She was worth so much more than we paid for her. Despite her hail damage and mismatched bumpers, she was the perfect car for us. Paid for and reliable, we only had to do routine maintenance on her - replacing tires, belts, and her battery. She never gave us any trouble. She was a great car.

I think we're going to try to live on just one car for a while. I'm not working, and we're trying to be as environmentally conscious as we can. I can totally drive Jonathan to work and pick him up again. The weird thing about this is - I'm not even really upset. You'd think I'd be mad. I was madder when they broke into her and didn't take anything. They just left her shattered and windowless, and it seemed so meaningless. This time, I feel nothing. Them's the breaks, I guess. We live in a bad neighborhood. We're not dumb enough to leave anything valuable in the car, so we didn't really lose anything except the car. And, like I said, I'm not even sure we need two cars.

I'm not sure what happened in the hit and run. I certainly hope no one was seriously hurt. I'm thinking Dolores got hit since she was obviously at the site and since they are towing her. Or maybe the thief hit something and ran away from the scene. Whatever happened, I think I'm really most thankful that we had already reported her stolen, and they couldn't accuse us of being the hit and run driver.

As crappy as it is that our car was stolen, I think the fact that we noticed it was gone within 10 minutes of its theft (our neighbor was walking his dog around 7 pm, and he swears it was still there), and also the fact that a policeman just happened to be driving by at the exact moment I was calling to report it are a blessing to us. The police know we weren't driving the car when it was involved in the accident. Our insurance has the police report number to verify it. We are going to be fine. Even if we had to buy a car tomorrow, we have saved money that would let us make a down payment, and Jonathan's salary would allow us to make a second car payment. And my situation makes it so we don't have to afford it. This is not the worst thing in the world. We are actually blessed.

Anyway, I'm sad for Dolores. I wish I could have driven her until she died of natural causes. I'm sad I don't even have a picture of her to commemorate her passing. I will miss her. She was a great car.

Dismembered Paw Dream

I had been picked for some popularity contest thing. I don't remember that part. Anyway, somehow I figured out that cutting off my dog's paw would make me popular. So, I cut off his paw and went to bed. When I woke up the next morning, his bloody paw was stuck to my comforter. I peeled it off and threw it in the trash. Then I realized what a horrible thing I had done. I went over to him and examined his bloody stump, crying and wishing I could go back in time and undo it.

Here's the analysis:

Dog:
Dogs in dreams could symbolize a large variety of ideas and concepts, but mostly they are symbolic of the dreamer's defensive structure and may represent personal boundary issues. Carefully consider all of the details and the mood in your dream. First, if you have a dog, it may be natural to dream about him. We become emotionally attached to our dogs and we dream about them just as we dream about anything else that is important to us. Otherwise, dogs could symbolize loyalty and hard work. Finally, dogs could represent the more basic or "animal" parts of our nature and some think that they specifically represent male energy.

A dog being in trouble or being sick or overlooked can mean you may be overlooking a responsibility for yourself or your life.

If the dog is dead or dying, then it indicates a loss of a good friend. Alternatively, it represents a deterioration of your instincts.

Animal Paw:
To see an animal paw in your dream, suggests that you need to trust your intuition and animal instincts.

Dismemberment:
You are feeling disempowered and experiencing some great and significant loss.

Power imbalance, as in feeling powerless or victimized

To dream that you are cutting something, signifies a broken relationship or severed connection.

So, my dog represents my instincts, and his paw means I should trust my intuition and instincts, but the fact that I dismembered his paw means my instincts are powerless and victimized. I think this all ties back into the negative feelings I've had this week about my PhD applications and my unfinished thesis. I don't feel I can trust myself, and I'm feeling overwhelmed and powerless. Wow, my subconscious is really smart!

Allow myself to introduce...myself.

Pet peeve - when people use "myself" incorrectly. This problem is especially common among beauty pageant contestants, and it must be stopped! Here's a short lesson on how to use the word correctly.

Example: Dave and myself won the race. NOOOOO! The correct word to use in this instance is "I." Dave and I won the race.

Here's another example: The race was rigged against Dave and myself. NOOOOO! The correct word to use here is "me." The race was rigged against Dave and me.

But, Laura, when CAN you use "myself"? Answer: When the subject of your sentence is "I." For example, I rigged the race against myself. or I won the race myself.

You can also use it for emphasis: I myself also believe the race was rigged. Although this use is redundant, it is not incorrect.

There. Anyone who reads this blog should expect ridicule (and judgment) from me if they use this word wrong.

A Bad Day

I am feeling so overwhelmed by everything right now. I've felt sick all week. I am in the middle of my PhD applications which is completely intimidating. Last year's fiasco has me very scared, and despite all of the precautions I'm taking, I just know something is going to get screwed up. My thesis isn't done, and as my husband reminded me, I was supposed to have it written by Thanksgiving. The new goal is Christmas, and I'm starting to doubt that will even happen. I am feeling very down on myself and my ability to accomplish the goals I have set for myself. I am feeling very alone. I am feeling like a failure, although I haven't technically failed at anything yet. I have disappointed myself this year by my lack of accomplishment. And, I guess, in turn, I feel like I've disappointed others. Ugh. It's a bad day today.

I'm in Love with Norris Lacy

He's a French professor at Penn State. I want to study with him. I wrote him an e-mail this week:

Hi, Dr. Lacy,
My name is Laura Clark, and I am currently studying Malory with Dr. Bonnie Wheeler at Southern Methodist University in Texas. I expect to receive my Master’s degree in May of 2008, and I am considering applying to Penn State for the PhD program in English. I am an admirer of your work on the French Arthurian legends, and while I am most interested in the British versions of Arthurian texts, I would love the opportunity to study with you at PSU. Are there any interdepartmental or interdisciplinary options that would allow me to benefit from your expertise, yet maintain my focus on the British Arthurian texts?
Thanks, Laura Clark

He actually replied at length and was really helpful:

Hello, and thank you for writing. I'm happy to know of your Arthurian interest. My answer to your question is however a bit complicated. There are no "official" programmatic options that would permit you to do what you mention. However, the medievalists in English and Comparative Literature--primarily Caroline Eckhardt, whose work on Arthurian texts you no doubt know, and Robert Edwards (who is mainly a Chaucerian)--routinely advise their students to take one or more courses in French. And if/when I have students from English and Comp Lit whose oral French is not up to discussions in that language, I conduct the courses in English--but with most readings done in Modern French. (This semester, I'm accommodating an English graduate student whose reading knowledge of French is improving rapidly but was somewhat deficient at first: she began by working with English translations alongside the French texts and has now "graduated" to reading in Modern French with relative ease. We also spend a short time looking at Old French texts, but I rarely have the luxury of adopting textbooks entirely in Old French.)

There is another part of the answer to your question. I am relatively close to retirement, and although I have no solid plans yet, I suspect that I will teach for only two more years after the current year. If you entered the doctoral program here next fall, you'd certainly have time to take one or perhaps even two courses with me, but I'd probably not be around to serve on your dissertation committee (which I have regularly done for many students in English). I don't see the committee problem as serious, and I'd happily teach Arthurian literature during the semester(s) you were able to take my courses.I hope that explanation is clear and helpful. If you have other questions, please don't hesitate to write.
Best wishes, Norris Lacy

I think he loves me back.

Christmas Is Coming

We put up our Christmas tree yesterday. I love it. We always just do a 3/4 tree and push it up against the wall because it's too big for our apartment.

I think it goes well with the French whore poster on the wall.