2 Funny Things

1) I tripped in the elevator today in front of the former head of my department. He accused me of being drunk at work. He was kidding, I think, but it was pretty embarrassing, especially since I had never actually spoken to him before. I'm undoubtedly labeled in his head as "That Drunk Girl."

2) Julie looked me up on rateyourprofessor.com. I have never done this myself because I am a coward who fears criticism. She told me I had a chili pepper, though, which means a select group of 18-year-old boys thinks I'm hot. Hey, I'll take compliments where I can get them.

Chicago

I loved Chicago when I went for the first time in 2005. We had such a good time that I was fully expecting this time to be a little disappointing, but it wasn't!!!

Our trip to Chicago was fabulous and very relaxing. We got there Friday and went straight to our hotel which was right on Michigan Avenue and very nice. We had lunch at Gino's East and ate deep dish pizza. The restaurant was very fun - they let people write all over the walls, so everything is covered in graffiti, and I liked that part a lot. The pizza sauce was great, but the crust was this weird yellow crispy cornbread-like crust. I did not like it.

That night we went to the Improvised Shakespeare Company at improv Olympic. I had watched a clip online and did not think it looked that funny. It was a clip of three guys prancing around the stage looking very obnoxious, and I didn't want to subject myself to 90 minutes of that. But, I agreed to go, and I'm happy to say it was really, really funny. There are 5 guys who do the show. At the beginning, they take a play title suggestion from the audience, then they make up a play in two acts right on the spot using Elizabethan English. It was mighty impressive.

On Saturday, we met up with Cassie and took a cab down to the University of Chicago. She has a former student (whom J and I happen to know as well) who is getting her Master's there and works at the art museum on campus. We ate lunch together and then went to the museum. We walked back to the metro through Washington Park which was FULL of giant geese and then rode up to visit with Cassie and Tim at Tim's brother's house in one of the neighborhoods north of the city.

Sunday, we had tickets to the Cleveland Browns vs. Chicago Bears game. Tim is a lifelong Bears fan, so we had invited him along. Unfortunately, he'd gotten food poisoning the day before, so he felt terrible, but he totally bucked up and came to the game with us. And he didn't even hurl. It was quite an accomplishment if you ask me. The Bears pretty much creamed the Browns. It was still very fun, though, and we had good seats on the 50-yard line on the upper deck, so we could see everything very well.

We ate dinner at Giordano's, whose pizza sauce is not as good as Gino's East, but whose crust is amazing. I'm a crust girl, so I have to say I like Giordano's better. There's a third pizza restaurant I want to try in Chicago, but I can't remember the name of it. I'll have to try it next time I go. Because I totally want to go back! Chicago is a fantastic city! I loved it again!

Fit of Hysterics

Last night at midnight I took my dog out into the backyard. As I walked out there barefoot, I saw a huge slug on the ground. "Don't step on that," I thought to myself, remembering this one time that my foot brushed a slug outside and I felt its slime on my foot for days afterward.

Toad, of course, did not want to go out in the rain, so I had to pick him up and force him onto the grass. He puttered around a bit and decided to go back to the door. I successfully avoided the slug, picked Toad up, and put him back on the grass. Then my husband came to the door, and Toad just gave up trying. Distracted, I walked back to the door. There was a sound like a twig snapping, and I looked down. It was not a twig snapping - it was me stepping on the slug, and the slug POPPING AND SPEWING SLUG GUTS EVERYWHERE!!!!

I went completely crazy. My mind actually separated from my body, and I had no control over myself anymore. I watched myself scream, run into the house, high kick my foot into the sink to wash it off, and begin dry heaving into the other side. My husband says he knew exactly what had happened, and he wasn't that worried. In fact, he immediately began to make fun of me which made me laugh, so I was screaming, crying, dry heaving, and laughing all at the same time.

I have never experienced anything like that before, and now I know what they mean when they say "fit of hysterics." So that's what that feels like!

Why Haven't You People Told Me...

...that Kurt Vonnegut is awesome? People always say, "Oh, he's brilliant." Or "He's such a GOOD writer!" So, I'm always like, "I'm not in the mood for brilliant writing right now. I'd rather read stories about vampires who fall in love with girls who have Elektra complexes." What everyone in my entire life has failed to mention is that Kurt Vonnegut is funny. This is all you had to say. If you will recall, I read "The Kite Runner" because someone said, "Oh, that book is so funny." Sold! I totally didn't think it was going to be funny, and I was absolutely right, but my point is that the only reason I read it is because someone told me it was funny. And to think, I could have been reading Kurt Vonnegut instead...

Did You Know?

In the Middle Ages, beavers were hunted for their testicles which were believed to have medicinal properties. There are a ton of manuscripts depicting beavers biting off their own testicles in order to escape the clutches of hunters. Here are two particularly awesome (and graphic) pictures of it. Enjoy.

The Royal Family

Jon and I got season tickets to "Theatre Three" in Dallas, and Friday was the first show of the season. It was a play from 1927 written by Edna Ferber called "The Royal Family." It was about a theatre dynasty and the struggles that each generation goes through dealing with how their career choice affects their personal lives. It was a comedy, and it was pretty amusing, although I think some of it could have been done better. There were several standouts in the cast, including the woman who played the matron of the family and the man who played the family's business manager. Both hit their jokes with a certain degree of subtlety and sounded like they were actually saying their lines for the first time rather than the 200th. The worst part of the play - well, to me, anyway - was the actor playing the brother who decides to make a career in film rather than on the stage. The guy basically did a "Mork" impersonation the whole time. No good. No good. I couldn't understand the greater part of what he said, and his grimacing and posturing all over the stage seriously detracted from what little I could understand. I couldn't wait for him to get off the stage.

To make things worse, during the second act, some guy switched seats so he was sitting right behind me, and he laughed like a loon at anything and everything Mork did. I wanted to turn around and say, "Really?" Plus, he had the swine flu or something and he snorted in my ear the entire second act. Kind of gross. Also, at any given point during the performance, you could count about three people asleep in the audience. And it was really obvious because it's a tiny theatre in the round, and I felt so bad for the poor actors trying not to be discouraged by the big fat lady asleep on the front row. At least no one started snoring.

Overall, the play was pretty average. There were some funny parts, and then some parts that were supposed to be funny, I think, but the actors kind of played it a little too realistic so I actually felt bad for them for dealing with a real problem rather than laughing at them for being ridiculous. It's a fine line, folks. I'm looking forward to the rest of the season and hope Mork doesn't make any more appearances!

The First Bag I Ever Loved

I don't tend to like things like handbags. I pretty much have two or three that I switch between every few months, and they're all pretty neutral and boring. But functional. As I was doing my fall wardrobe cleanout, I found the old white purse that I bought at Sam Moon (the one and ONLY time I will ever go there) and saw how dirty it was. I tried to wipe it off with plain water which did not work, then I remembered a trick I learned when my mom and I were cleaning up some of my old dolls: hairspray. It cleans vinyl like nobody's business. So, I got out an old bottle of hairspray and starting cleaning it. It worked great, but as I was wiping away, I realized, "I hate this purse. I want a purse that I don't have to clean with hairspray." So, I went online expecting to find some passable purse that could replace my super cheap and ugly old one.

As I was browsing the Anthropologie sale page, I found the most beautiful bag I've ever seen. It's called the "Alabaster Crackle Bag." Alabaster. I like the sound of it. It was on sale for way more than I felt was wise to spend - just like everything always is at that store - so I put it in my shopping cart and decided to sleep on it. If I woke up still wanting it, I would talk to Jon about buying it.

Well, I woke up and still wanted it. I logged on to the website only to discover that they had sold out of it overnight. What? Seriously? Yes. I was pretty disappointed, but thought maybe I could wait a while then buy one on ebay if it was available. Skip to the next day when I went shopping with my mom. We walked into Anthropologie and lo and behold, they had the bag! I got to see it in person, hold it, feel it, examine the lining, and it just made me want it even more. I have never been so attached to a handbag before. I was still waffling on the price, however. I decided to leave it again. If I woke up and still wanted it, I would drive back to the store and if it was still there, I would take it as a sign that God wanted me to have the purse, and I would buy it. Good theology, I know.

I woke up the next morning, still thinking about the purse, so I called Northpark. The bag had been sold! Noooooo! So, I called Highland Park Village. No bag there. Then I called The Shops at Willow Bend. They had it! One left! I asked the saleslady to hold it and drove over there to pick it up as soon as they opened.

Today is its inaugural day. It's beautiful. I love it. I don't want anything to happen to it. I dread spilling my coffee on it or some such thing. The first bag I ever loved.